


never look back

by fandomlee



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Sex, Klaus Hargreeves Needs A Hug, M/M, Very Very Mild, a fix it kind of, canon character death, very very brief descriptions of sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-21
Updated: 2019-02-21
Packaged: 2019-11-02 00:10:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17877419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandomlee/pseuds/fandomlee
Summary: klaus hargreeves is far, far away from home when he meets the love of his life. he’s never looking back.





	never look back

“please be money, please be money,” klaus begged silently as he sat on the bus, opening up the briefcase with a ZAP!

klaus blinks, and suddenly he’s not on the bus anymore. in fact, he has no idea where he is. there is screaming all around him, and what sound like explosions behind him.

and so suddenly klaus is being dragged off to war, bullets whirling around him, and everything is so loud he can’t even think straight. a gun is shoved into his hands and he’s being yelled at by commanding officers and he’s so confused and he’s scared and ben is nowhere to be seen and god, klaus realizes he hasn’t felt this alone in years.  
and then there’s a man with blonde hair standing in front of him and smiling, and klaus’s heart does a flip in his chest and oh. oh no.  
“i’m dave,” he introduces himself, and his voice is soft and kind and klaus realizes he’s fucked. he won’t talk to this man, klaus promises himself, he needs to get back to his own timeline where he has ben and diego and--

“klaus,” he finds himself saying, why did he say that?

“i haven’t seen you around here before, did you just get drafted?” dave asks.

“yeah, something like that,” klaus gives a half smile and turns back around. okay, that was the last interaction he’d have with the man. he needed to get back to his family. the world was going to end, surely that was more important than some cute guy he met in the past. the present had plenty of cute guys who klaus could get with, provided he actually got back to the present and saved the world, which is what he had to do. which is why he couldn’t talk to dave anymore. 

 

“do you want to go to a club with me tonight?” dave asks, pulling a shirt over his torso and klaus has to force himself not to stare at the mans abs. 

‘no,’ klaus’s head tells him.

“uh, yeah, sounds fun,” klaus responds. stupid, stupid! klaus thinks, and he realizes its ben’s voice in his head--god he missed ben. which is why he couldn’t go to the club with dave. he needed to get back to the present where he could see ben again.

“great, can’t wait,” dave smiles, and klaus’s heart is doing somersaults again. 

 

six drinks in, klaus’s lips are on dave’s, and the voice in his head that sounds suspiciously like ben is quiet. klaus suddenly doesn’t seem to care so much about the apocalypse anymore, he only cares about dave, dave, dave, dave, dave.

“if you’re not careful i’m gonna fall in love with you,” klaus whispers drunkenly in between kisses and then dave is kissing his jaw, his neck, his lips, and murmurs:

“that’s the idea,” he pants and all of a sudden they’re not in the club anymore, and klaus is panting beneath dave and his hands are everywhere and his body is on fire and all he can say is “dave, dave, dave.”

 

klaus wakes up tangled in dave’s arms, and he realizes that, for the first time in years, he slept through the night without any nightmares. he looks over at dave and all he can think is beautiful, and he can’t stop himself from reaching over and tracing small patterns lightly into his cheek. his hands are shaking and his heart hammering and he’s thinking that he’s so fucked, but he doesn’t seem to care anymore. all he cares about is dave. dave wakes up slowly, blinking, eyes settling on klaus and for a moment klaus’s heart stops, terrified he’s going to wake up and yell at him, decide this was a mistake, tell klaus to leave, that he’s not gay-- but then he smiles, and klaus’s heart is doing the somersault thing again. 

“good morning,” dave whispers, and klaus thinks that he might’ve actually died and gone to...wherever people go when they die. klaus lets out a small laugh and smiles, fingers still lingering on the soft patch up skin right under dave’s jawline.

“good morning,” klaus says, and that’s how they stay for a little while, the sunlight coming in from the window reminding them that pretty soon they’ll have to leave this place. but for now, right now, in this moment, they’re alone and they don’t have to worry about anything but what’s in this room. 

“so, last night…” dave says slowly and klaus feels his stomach twist in knots because of course they need to talk about it, of course dave probably thinks it was a mistake, of course, because he’s klaus. no one could ever love him. he swallows, sitting up in the bed, bringing his legs up to his chest and making himself as small as possible, bracing himself for the impact of the words about to come. 

“oh, yeah, uh...look, we were drunk, it doesn’t have to mean anything and--”

“what if i want it to?” dave cuts him off, and it feels like the wind has been knocked out of him.

“w-what?” klaus whispers, and dave’s face flushes red, averting his gaze. 

“i mean, i mean if it didn’t mean anything to you then we can just, forget the whole thing ever happened i guess and i’ll just...i’ll just go.” dave gets up and for a moment, klaus is too stunned to say anything. his brain begins to process what's happening, then and he stands up, grabbing dave’s arm as he’s pulling his pants over his waist.

“no! don’t go!” klaus stutters and dave stops in his tracks, giving him a confused look and klaus shakes his head, trying to get the words out but his brain is moving faster than his mouth. “it meant something to me too, i--i mean i want it to mean something i--i...i like you, dave. a lot.” klaus manages to get out, and the words barely scratch the surface of all that he wants to say, but he figures it’s a good start. 

dave stares at him for a moment, before dropping the shirt that’s in his hands and moving towards klaus to kiss him again, and klaus’s hands move up to dave’s hair, and it’s so soft, and he’d be content to stay just the way they were right now, forever. 

when they finally pull apart, dave is cupping his face, and smiling. 

“i like you too, klaus.” 

 

they become official after three months. well, as official as they could be, two men in the army in 1968. so they took stolen moments, hands brushing against each other in the tents, late nights sneaking out under the stars, sneaking into one another’s motel rooms. 

one night, they’re laying together, when dave sits up. 

“can i ask you something personal?” he asks, and klaus sits up, nodding slowly

“sure,” klaus says, and dave grabs his hand, thumb brushing over the top softly. 

“what are your nightmares about?” he asks, and klaus looks down, turning his head to the side, away from dave. “i’m sorry, you don’t have to answer that if you--”

“my brother,” klaus answers sadly, because that’s what they have been about recently. he hasn’t been without ben since he was 17, the first time he overdosed, and ben manifested in the hospital, making him swear he’d stay sober after that. of course, klaus broke his promise, but ben somehow stayed. 

“the one you lost? ben, right?” dave asks, recalling the night klaus opened up about his family.

“i don’t have a family,” klaus said sadly, but then he shook his head. “no, i have--had--a brother. his name was ben. he died when we were fourteen,” klaus mumbled.  
“i’m sorry. i know how hard it can be to lose a sibling,” dave said. “i lost my sister when i was 7.”

“i’m sorry, too. how did she die?” 

“smallpox. she was four,” dave said sadly. “you?”

“accident.” was the only explanation klaus gave. he and dave spent the rest of that night in each others arms, not saying much. 

“yeah, ben,” klaus nodded. “everytime i close my eyes it’s like….i’m watching him die again and he’s screaming for me and i can’t move and--” klaus breaks down, sobs racking his body because he hasn’t been forced to relive ben’s death in so long. dave pulls him into his chest, kissing his hair and stroking his face, mumbling soothing words.

“shhh, shh, it’s alright klaus, it’s alright, let it out. just let it out, it’ll be okay,” dave whispered, and in that moment he vowed to protect klaus with everything that he had. he’d protect him from the night terrors and the terrors that followed them in the daytime, too. 

 

klaus loved dave with every fiber of his being. he always had, klaus thinks, ever since that first night in the hotel, and it’s been bubbling up inside him ever since. if he doesn’t tell him soon, he thinks he might burst. but he can’t. because he’s klaus hargreeves, and no one loved klaus hargreeves.

 

*tw for child abuse in the italics*  
they were fifteen when klaus started really doing drugs. without ben there, he didn’t know any other way to keep the monsters at bay. when luther found them, he screamed at him, got their father, who hit him and locked him in the morgue for two days.  
when he was allowed out, none of his siblings would talk to him, not even vanya or diego.  
“what were you you thinking?” luther screams suddenly, taking klaus off guard. “you do drugs on a mission and boom, someone dies because you’re too high to react! is that what you want? for us to lose someone else because you’re too fucking stupid to save him?” klaus is crying now, shaking, balling up his fists and shaking his head.  
“ben didn’t die because of me!” klaus yells, and luther scoffs.  
“oh, really? because as i remember it, you were too scared to conjure the dead! so ben had to step in and save your sorry ass from getting killed! so now we’re down a team member who was actually useful! ben died because you were too scared!”  
“he saved me because he loved me!” klaus yelled.  
“NO ONE WILL EVER LOVE YOU, KLAUS!” luther screams, and the house is silent. klaus sobs, drops to the floor and isn’t able to move until his father comes, picking him up and putting him in the morgue once again.  
“you may come out when you stop being afraid,” reginald had said.  
klaus couldn’t remember when he was let out. 

 

“klaus?” came a voice from behind him, making him jump. “sorry, sorry! you alright?” dave. klaus let out a sigh of relief, blinking rapidly and smiling, trying to get his heart rate down.

“yeah, yeah i’m fine, sorry, just lost in my thoughts i guess,” he gave a half-hearted chuckle, and dave took his hand, sitting him down on the cot in the tent where, thankfully, they were alone. 

“hey, what’s going on?” dave asked softly, and klaus shook his head. 

“nothing,” klaus dismissed, but dave knew better.

“klaus, talk to me,” dave whispered. he cupped klaus’s cheek, and he leaned into the touch, it was so tender, so loving and klaus felt like his heart was about to burst. “please, klaus. you don’t need to suffer alone.” and that was it. the dam behind klaus’s eyes broke, and he was sobbing. 

“i l-love you! i love you so m-much it hurts, dave, and i-i can’t….you can’t...how could anyone….i mean l-look at me, i-i’m…” he sobbed, and dave felt his heart breaking. 

“you’re what, klaus?” dave asked, his voice raw with emotion as a rogue tear fell down his cheek. 

“i’m klaus hargreeves. no one will ever love me.” klaus said it with so much conviction it physically made dave feel sick, and he took klaus’s face in his hands forcefully, but not roughly, and looked at him directly in the eye. 

“i love you. i love you, klaus hargreeves. i love you more than i have ever loved anything before. you are the first thing i think about when i get up in the morning, and the last thing on my mind before i fall asleep. all i want is to protect you, to make you happy. i love you, heart and soul. and nothing, nothing, is going to change that,” dave said, tears streaming down his face and he watches and klaus breaks, and he’s somehow sobbing even harder now because no one, not even mom, ever told him they loved him. but dave made him feel loved, made him feel safe, made him feel like he was worthy of something. he can hardly breathe but that doesn’t stop him from grabbing dave’s face and kissing him. 

“am i dreaming?” klaus whispers, forehead pressed against daves, and he can feel dave shake his head. 

“no.”

“can you say it again?” klaus asks, and it comes out as a plea, and who is dave to deny him that?

“i love you,” dave whispers.

“again?”

“i love you.”

"one more time?"

“i love you, klaus hargreeves. i love you. i love you. i love you.” 

 

the best day of dave’s life is followed by the worst. 

a night of i love you’s whispered into each others mouths is followed by screaming, gunshots and explosions, and they soon find themselves at the front lines, dodging bullets and watching people around them, friends, die in a single second. 

“i love you klaus,” dave says, and klaus shakes his head. 

“no, no we’re not gonna do that, we’re both making it out of this alive, dave. you hear me? both. of. us.”

“please, klaus. please say it. i need to hear you say it.” dave is begging and klaus can see the tears in his eyes, and he takes his hand, squeezing it firmly. 

“i love you.” dave closes his eyes and nods, running into the battle. 

most of the battle itself was a blur. klaus doesn’t remember anything but bullets whizzing by him, and the screams of the dead. god, they were so loud. he keeps a close eye on dave. he needs to protect dave. 

that’s when he sees a gun being fired behind him, and it’s like time slows down. 

-

“klaus! look out!” ben’s voice came from behind him, and he stood there, paralyzed, as a knife came straight for him. ‘conjure the dead as a shield,’ came his father's voice in his mind, but he couldn’t. he was too afraid. then, ben was in front of him, a knife protruding out of his stomach. 

“ben! no no no ben, ben please, ben!” klaus sobbed. 

ben was dead before the paramedics got there.

-

klaus wasn’t paralyzed anymore. with a clear mind, he ran towards dave, slamming into him, feeling nothing but a white hot pain in his side. he gasped, hitting the ground with a thud.

“jesus, klaus, thank god you were there i didn’t even see--klaus? klaus!” dave screamed, scooping klaus up in his arms, cradling him.

“hey, hey, hey. you said we’d both be getting out of here right? klaus! klaus!” dave stammered. “medic!” he cried, holding klaus closer.

klaus coughed, blood bubbling up from his lips as he tried to give dave a smile. horrified, he realized dave was crying. he reached up to wipe his tears, but found himself crying out in pain when he tried to move his arm.

“hey, hey shh. don’t move okay? don’t move. MEDIC! stay with me, klaus, you have to stay with me, i love you,” dave cried, and klaus smiled. 

“say it again?” he whispered.

“i love you,” dave cried, voice breaking.

“again?”

“i love you.”

it was getting darker now, getting harder for klaus to see dave’s face, and he tried so hard to keep his eyes focused on him. 

“one more time?”

“i love…”

 

it was dark. where was he? where was dave? klaus looked around, terrified. he saw a figure in the distance, and klaus blinked, trying to see who it was.

“dave?” he called out. the figure got closer, and closer, and he was able to see his face and--

“ben?” klaus whispered, and ben smiled. “ben!” klaus cried, running to him, tackling him in a hug, surprised by the fact that he was even able to touch him. “ben, oh my god, ben i missed you so much!” klaus yelled, and ben laughed. 

“i missed you too. how’d you manage to get yourself stuck in 1968?” ben asked lightly, and klaus chuckled. 

“it’s… a long story,” he said, a realization dawning on him suddenly. “wait. where are we?” 

“we’re...i don’t actually know, really. this is where i’ve been for the past six months,” ben explained. 

“am i dead?” klaus whispered, horrified. 

“kind of. you’re not really dead or alive, you’re just kind of...missing.” ben explained. 

“i need to get back, i need to--i promised dave we’d make it out, i--”

“ah, dave. i like him,” ben chuckled. 

“you know him?” klaus blinked.

“yeah, i’ve been watching you two. you’re good together,” ben said genuinely. “i can see how happy he makes you.” 

“so you know why i need to go back,” klaus said, and ben nodded. “how?”

“well, when i’m manifesting, i just concentrate on you really hard. but someone with your power...i’m sure it might have a different effect. just...concentrate on dave.” ben said. 

“what about you? i can’t conjure you here, i can’t leave you alone!” klaus cried. ben gave him a soft smile. 

“i’m never alone. i’m always with you, even if you can’t see me.”

“creep,” klaus teased, but there was no venom behind his words. teary-eyed, he hugged his brother, and thought of dave. 

 

“klaus, please, please stay with me,” a voice above him begged. the voice sounded raw, as if it had been screaming. 

“soldier, i’ve told you, you can’t be in here,” a woman’s voice this time. she sounded sympathetic. 

“and i’ve told you i can’t leave him!” a sigh came from the woman, and he heard footsteps. 

“c’mon, love. klaus...please...i need you, i...i love you. please come back to me. just come back to me klaus. please, please.” dave. 

dave!

klaus coughed, everything inside him burning. he was in so much pain, but all he could seem to focus on was dave. he had to get back to dave. he felt dave's hands holding his, bringing it up to his lips to leave soft kisses on the bloodied skin. 

“klaus?” dave asked, voice hitching and klaus coughed again, and again, and he couldn’t stop. “oh my god, klaus! nurse! nurse! calm down klaus, calm down you’re alright, it’s alright, oh my god, nurse!” dave’s voice was frantic and then klaus was asleep again.

the next time he woke up, dave was stroking his hair. his eyes were closed, and klaus wondered if he was asleep. klaus’s eyes fluttered shut again, eyelids suddenly heavy. then he heard a voice.

“i know you can hear me, my love,” dave said softly, in a voice that sounded so broken klaus never wanted to hear it again. “and i know you’re probably tired from fighting so hard. and that’s alright. you’re so brave, klaus. so brave. i love you. you come back whenever you’re ready, okay?” 

“i l’ve y’u,” klaus said, and it came out slurred and broken, but he was sure dave knew what he meant. his eyes fluttered open and dave was looking down at him, eyes red and cheeks tear stained as he cupped klaus’s face.

“oh, my god…” he sobbed, kissing his forehead, his cheeks, his lips, everywhere he could, and klaus can feel warm tears falling onto his face but he doesn’t care. dave’s hands are shaking as he runs them through klaus’s hair but he doesn’t care, klaus is back and that’s all that matters.

 

three weeks after klaus is allowed to leave, they get a week of freetime while they recover. they stay at a crappy motel near their base, and dave spends most of the time fretting over klaus, and klaus assuring him that he’s fine. 

“forgive me for worrying,” dave teases, checking his bandages as klaus groans, half in mock annoyance and half in discomfort, but really, he loves dave so much for taking care of him.

“mm-hm,” klaus hums, and they sit in silence for a moment, before dave kisses klaus lightly, catching klaus off guard. “what was that for?” he asks.

“what, i can’t just kiss my boyfriend whenever i want?” dave asks, and klaus gives him a knowing look causing him to chuckle. 

“look, i just...i love you. so much.” dave says, emotion building in his voice suddenly, making klaus worry. 

“i love you too, dave. what’s going on?” klaus asked. dave took his hand, kissing it softly.

“nearly losing you...was the worst pain i’ve ever felt. i felt like a part of me had been ripped out and taken with you,” dave said, he sucked in a breath, and letting it out shakily. “all i want to do is protect you, keep you safe. i want us to stay here in this crappy motel forever, safe from harm, where i can keep you in my arms forever,” dave continued, tears building in his eyes. “i want to spend the rest of my life with you, klaus,” he says, and klaus suddenly knows where this is going, and his heart is hammering, and tears are welling up in his eyes, too. “i love you. i love you with all my heart,” he says, and then he does something klaus never thought he’d see in his lifetime, het gets down on one knee in front of him, holding klaus’s hand, and klaus is bawling, because never in his life has he ever felt so loved. 

“klaus hargreeves--”

“yes!” he yells, wiping his eyes, but the tears don’t stop, and he’s smiling wider than he ever thought possible. 

“you have to let me finish!” dave laughs, and klaus laughs too, a wet laugh that he decided is the sound of pure, unbridled joy.

“klaus hargreeves, will you mar--”

“YES!” klaus cried, tackling dave in a hug, burying his face in his shoulder and sobbing, but a good sob, one that he’d live in forever if he could feel this way for the rest of his life. 

“i know i don’t have a ring, or anything, but--” dave starts apologetically, and klaus cuts him off with a kiss and shakes his head.

“i don’t care. i don’t care, i have you and that’s enough.” klaus cries, kissing him again and they’re both crying now. klaus pulls away suddenly, a thought dawning on him. “but wait, how can we--”

dave shakes his head with a smile. “i have an uncle. he’s like us, he’ll marry us. it won’t be formal, but my family is accepting and we’ll have a ceremony, it’ll be small but--”

“i don’t care. we could get married in a ditch on the side of the rode with nothing but the tumbleweeds as our witnesses and it would still be the happiest day of my life,” klaus said. 

they spent the rest of the day kissing, whispering words of love into each others skin until nothing was left between them but the sheets. 

 

they only had another month in the shit. one more month, and then they’d be allowed to go home. to get married. to be together for the rest of their lives. 

but it all happened so quickly. 

“dave, c’mon, what about us, huh? we still need to get married, dave, please, please dave we still need to get married--dave!” klaus sobbed, the sobs racking his body until he couldn’t breathe anymore, and dave was being taken out of his arms by a medic who was saying to put him in the ditch with the other dead.

“noooo!” klaus screamed, holding onto dave for dear life, not letting him go. “no, no please, please, please don’t take him, don’t take him, dave, dave, no, no no no no, please no, oh god--”

 

klaus didn’t remember much after that. 

in the blink of an eye, he was back on the bus, only a morning after he left. 

he couldn’t feel anything. so he drank. and did drugs. and drank. and did more drugs. until he couldn’t remember the name dave.

but he could. he always could, and that was the problem. 

everytime he closed his eyes, dave.

 

dave.  
dave.  
klaus closed his eyes and sobbed. 

-

*BONUS*

the world had ended. that was it. one big bang, and earth was no more. 

but then, thanks to five, it wasn’t.

 

they were kids again. and then they weren’t. and suddenly they were at the concert hall again, vanya with them, and the world was in tact. 

they did it.  
they were free to live their lives however they wanted now. and klaus knew exactly how he wanted to live his. 

 

‘just picture him in your mind,’ ben’s voice said. and he did. he thought of the day he met dave, their first kiss, the first time he told him he loved him, the day he proposed. he thought of dave. dave. dave. dave. da--

“klaus?” klaus’s eyes shot open, taking a shaky breath. 

“oh, my god,” klaus said softly. “dave. dave!” he ran to him, arms open, but stopped short, just in front of him, a hand tentatively reaching out to touch his face, stopping at the soft patch of skin just beneath his jaw.

he could feel him. 

losing all control over his emotions, klaus flung himself onto him, sobbing into his shoulder.

“dave, dave, dave i’m so sorry, i’m so sorry dave. i love you so much, i love you. i’ve missed you so much i’m so sorry,”

“klaus,” dave whispered, holding him tight and kissing his hair. “it’s okay, it’s alright, i’m here,” dave whispered, and it only made klaus cry more. 

dave kissed him, and klaus wondered how long he was stuck in the afterlife, alone and afraid.

“h-” klaus began, but his voice was cut off by emotion. “how long? how long were you alone?” 

“i was never alone. i had you, the whole time,” dave whispered, and klaus sobbed. dave took his face in his hands and smiled.

“hey,” he said. “i think we have a wedding to get to.”


End file.
